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MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Geneology software - Dynasty

Its 3:00 A.M.

, why am I still up thinking about your life and the choices you continue to make?
Why do I still get caught up in this grip of reflection, and wish for you to improve this dismal hold you have dug for yourself?
What is this tenacious hold you have over me? Has she meant nothing to you? Has she just become an obscure memory .. a broken picture with nothing but the remnants of a shadow?
You can hide behind the drugs and cheap liquor, but you have grown so transparent.


In this world of megalomania, I'm quite surprised to see there is nothing there for you.

Where has your lust gone?
Will you continue to to ride your high until your bitter end? Are you waiting at all...For anything?
How do you mirror your existence? I feel it has become quite existential.


So go and join the millions of drones who are waiting, just like you! Go now, and run to the toxin you so desperately crave.


You never stood for any convictions did you? So I guess you will fall for anything.


So long, and good night.





This is proof that I care. Its making me angry.

:(

All because of you,
I havent slept in so long.
When I do I dream of drowning in the ocean
Longing for the shore, where i can lay my head down.

All because of you,
I believe in angels,
Not the kind with wings,
No, not the kind with halos,
The kind that bring you home, when home becomes a strange place.

Gay guy- You are really cute

Me- Thanks

Gay guy- But youll have to let me work on those eye borws.

Me...........

Gay Guy- i can make them look fierce

Me-......................

Gay Guy- hope i didnt say anything wrong




God i hate being gay sometimes.........

Good times. So I got to see jessi and sean at the globe tonite. I really do miss seeing them more often. Ive been so tied up with school and sadly roast beef lately. But thats how it gets when schools abck in session. I just miss the times i had with the linvilles 2 summers ago. We had our whole days in front of us. We really did live it up. Now that whole life change tha=ing has really taken a very asertive jump onto me. I dunno, I just miss being able to be around them more often. i rememeber when I used to feel a sense of possibility everyday...But these days im (unwillingly) seeing ..beef. So I really do look foward to the times i get to just forget about my obligations. I know this should be common sense and i should be used to this idea or concept of life..but thats just not me. Things are jsut so different now. Sometimes I can be having a conversation with some 1 and my mind is elsewhere..somewhere far away from this reality..this vortex of doom...this life. I still have this fear that im going to fail..fail at school..fail at a future. I wonder if i will be able to drive, I wonder if Im keeping people back. But at times like this..at nite..i just feel empty at the end of the day.

Jeez im such a manic. Maybe thats why i try to humor myself so much.

I hate these nights when my mind is raging full speed ahead. And all i can seem to do is wait. hour after hour. Possibility is gone. I know my routine. I hate this routine. I look foward to those moments that I feel that sense of possibility. /that sense of tomorrow. But that is not at this instant. That instant of life.

"What is the meaning of life?... a simple question; one that tended to close in on one with years. The great revelation had never come. The great revelation perhaps never did come. Instead there were little daily miracles, illuminations, matches struck unexpectedly in the dark."
-Virginia Wolfe

So my new years was awesome. It was a baby oil slip n slide underwear party. I wore tighty blackies (not to be confused with tighty whities) the whole night. However, i wasnt alone, for sean wore his manties. We were the most naked guys there. I got trashed and pranced around and got caught in a shower two naked lezbins while i was trying to shower. I jsut love being at these things. I love being surrounded by my friends and not having to worry about everything. Its like i wanna freeze time and live in that moment. I love you guys so much! I miss being able to just be around my friends all the time. Happy 07 i love you all! <33

Arbys fuckin blows. Im so pissed. I need a new job asap. Itas not fuckin worth it. I amost hit shashank and came close to wanting to hit mike. To all the motherfuckers out there with reuban and market fresh buy 1 get 1 coupons..u can blow my fuckin balls! We went through fucking 150 portions today! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U people ahve no mercy.. and i will hit shashank beofre i leace im quite sure...stupid indian. I need a less stressful job

So today marks one year. 365 days. I can still picture that week perfecly. I'll always remember that sad anticipating look on her face monday night. Like there was something she knew she ahd to say but couldnt. Just as I walked away and told her I would see her tomorrow, she cried and spelled out "I Love You." She knew what was coming. Perhaps she was just trying to put me at ease. I will never forget what Ifelt when she came back to me tuesday on half a heart. I seemed to be the only one thatknew shed be back. She still kept her humor even with that god awful toob down her throat, the venilator, the morphene, the people constantly probing her with needles. I was literally forced to submit myself..to watch..There was not one fucking thing I could do. Theres not a day when I dont feel this black hole ripping at me.. I miss her so much...

I was amazed at the suppot I recieved. Kentrell was my right hand women through all of this. Every time I collapsed from the emotion of it all she was there. Then the the day afterwards when David kicked me out, and I was frantic. I called jessi, and I'll never forget her seeing me so distaut.. and she just took my hand. I rememebr staying at the Linville estate, forcing mel jess and cindy to hear my life story..They were what I needed to hold onto..Then at school I rememebr mrs. scola and mrs pecarek just embracing me. They called alot. Infeact alot of people did. I made so many strong friendships. So many people cared. I will never forget the support I recieved from every one. Youall got me through highschool. I love you all with all of my heart.

"You What Keeps Me Believing The World's Not Gone Dead"


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I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH

LIVE LIFE
January 6 1954- November 18, 2005
MOM

This past weekend was awesome. Got to be with a lot of friends. Im glad 2 of the 3 of my linvilles have found love. Sean and Anne both get my highest approval. I have to watch out for my linvilles. They do the same for me. :) Dont worry cindy, we'll make this a team effort. im your project..i can do anything. As for myself, it seems there are no sane gay/bi guys left in the land. Maybe im just losin my honorary linville game.